I was recommended Plan B by someone I had met on Lunchclub, whose mom had died in her early 30s. I have known the book existed for years, ever since Sheryl’s Berkley commencement speech, and having read “Lean In” years ago I knew what to expect: formulaic research coupled with anecdotes meant to make Sheryl seem approachable when she is, in fact, not. However, the person who recommended the book to me stated that it really did help her.
So I went in trying to keep an open mind. All in all, the book was mildly helpful. I never find Sandberg’s anecdotes to be particularly useful at all, however. For example, in this book she talked about how Chamath Palipatiya came to her house and gave her a pep talk where he told her she really needed to double down on work and up her game and “get back on the motherfucking path”. (279) I don’t really identify with having a billionaire who once owned 5% of all bitcoin in circulation telling me that I should definitely be prioritizing work over all else, but I guess that was worth it to Sandberg to put into the book despite the fact that it doesn’t really make sense to someone deep in grief.
Some highlights were Adam Grant telling Sheryl to make a list of three things she did that day that went well and why. Apparently, there is tons of proof that doing this even for a week at a time can reduce stress considerably in the months that follow. Same thing with tracking contributions (active) versus what we are grateful for (passive). I will hopefully start doing that tonight!
Also, there were three important factors to consider in grief: “Hundreds of studies have shown hat children and adults recover more quickly when they realize that hardships aren’t entirely their fault, don’t affect every aspect of their lives, and won’t follow them everywhere forever.” (30) Further, studies of “affective forecasting” — our predictions of how we’ll feel in the future — reveal “we tend to overestimate how long negative events will affect us”. Nearly nine months out from our mother’s death, I can say that I am doing so much better than I was originally and am shocked at how well I am currently coping.
Another technique she suggested that I want to try is when she states that she used a cognitive behavioral therapy technique where “you write down a belief that’s causing you anguish and then follow it with proof that the belief is false. (41)
When Sheryl also said that “the little things no longer stress me out” as a result of the intense grief and sudden death of her husband, I couldn’t help but to heavily identify with her. I feel so much less high-strung than I ever have before. (150)
She also talks about five kinds of post-traumatic growth, but the fourth and the fifth were most interesting to me: finding greater meaning in life and seeking new possibilities. (161, 168)
Overall, I would give this book a 6/10.
